isn't it beautiful?

going to attempt to write a poem, will just be thoughts however.

eternal cosmos.

your love for us is never ending and limitless,
like the earths orbit it is a never ending cycle.
we go on with our lives only taking what we need,
yet you offer so much more.

on and on life goes,
like the constant flow of the ocean.
we live our lives is despair,
desperate for the big picture.

there is so much more to life than politics and our economy,
so much more, yet we are all so seemingly blind.
to be blind is not a curse,
having sight without a vision is.

days, months, years pass us by yet we make no effort,
no effort to explore beyond the limitation's of our mind.
the stars are everlasting,
burning on and on, giving us hope and inspiration.

the stars are all part of a network, an eternal cosmos,
we fail to comprehend that we are part of this network.
the big picture is that we have given in to our 'insignificant other'
we are not living lives that are healthy let alone wholesome.

generations come and go, but it all stays the same,
we fathom venturing out of our normal train of thought.
finding something that is there yet so little of us can grasp it,
we feel its effect yet we fail to chase after it.

consumerism has consumed our world into damnation,
it has given us false hope and allowed us to abandon our Morales.
the inventions of our mind all have limitations,
yet we have lost so much vision that we cant separate the inventions from the conventions.

hundreds have come and go giving us messages,
messages of hope, inspiration, intelligence, morality, self worth.
we are all hearing these messages,
but are we listening?

the eternal cosmos is everlasting and its a cycle,
cycle between life and death.
in between we can find true joy and ecstasy,
we all know this yet fail to take action.

love inspires life, love is the essence of our existence,
but what of supernatural love?
we all feel a sense of supernatural or spiritual love,
and it enquires and inspires within us something that is real and everlasting.

life inspires purpose, purpose is an easy idea to grasp,
yet we all don't even reach out for it.
we live life with love but without purpose,
will you be just a statistic?

psychedelic placebos of consumerism is what we are living off,
we accessorise and glamorise out lives.
we have lost touch with our eternal purpose,
soul's are undeniable yet we reject them to cater to our bodies.

the cosmos is a cycle, one which we need to break,
for it has become corrupt, it is lacking the love of our souls.
yet the world will still be spinning, round and round,
as we consume our lives in meaningless task's of temptation.

how long? how long will it take for our generation to wake up?
to be stop rejecting our soul's and spirituality.
we need a crusade, of righteousness and love,
a movement away from the sloth we are living in.

there will always be a 20/20 view, from evil to divine,
we know it yet we continue to give into the evil.
still the earth spins in the eternal abyss of darkness,
never closer to the light and ever falling into the darkness.

energy fields are everywhere, from the fish in the sea,
the gods give us positive energy sensations, we feel them.
still we fall into the graves we dig ourselves,
still we fail to seek, for something more.

the fall of man is imminent, our hope burns bright
within the heart of our soul's, something deep inside is stirring.
will you answer its call?
or will you hear this message yet not listen to it?

the things unseen to us inspire wisdom, love, fear and righteousness,
tangible subjects offer temporary highs, for life is temporary.
souls are eternal, and permanent,
our lives are like a whisper in the wind, quick and quiet.

lets make some noise, lets make out voices heard,
love is eternal and disruptive, fear is temporary and subtle.
the cosmos goes on, ever changing; for the worse,
let our lives be that of a dying mans screams.

loud, painful and memorable.



give me your thoughts on it please!

god bless.

Unhappy Birthday

well as you can see that title is rather grimm, tis a title that no-one should have to begin their blog post with. so let me explain.

firstly thank you to those few that did remember (mostly family) you made the beggining of my day very swell. i appreciate the presents they all have a lot of thought in them i can tell.
this year i didn't really want anyone to dance around and sing happy birthday, to me i just wanted it to be another day, you must be thinking "why? its the day fro celebrating your life!" yes i relise that but the paradox of the matter is that that is the very reason i didn't want you to make a fuss over celebrating it this year, last year i was let down with my expectations of the day, and that ebded quite horribly. this year i almost eradicated my expectations, yet was still let down quite badly yet again.

first spell of school i got my geo exams back and failed two out of three papers (i feel hatred for nz's education system and the way it functions) and due to the bracketed reason i was not too upset, i let it blow over, only one of my "friends" remembered that it was today and that was because her cell phone reminded her, at the end of the day barely half a dozen people gave me their condolences.

while book shopping and just killing time in the mall, i got some texts from a mate, i wont go into what the text's were about as that is a personal matter, but basically ended with her saying "yea fuck you!" and not replying after that, now apparently its my fault for having a bad day that i ended up hurting her, im sorry but am i not allowed to feel compelled to at least a little praise on my BIRTHDAY!. obviously i was mistaken when i awoke with that expectation. i don't ecpect much from my friends let alone on my birthday, but what i do expect is decency which is why i get so torn apart when those expectations are not fulfilled. birthdays are no longer about the presentts to me, nor about my own selfish pride but the least i expect is some gratification for the effort i put in for every friendship i have ever built. is that too much too ask? am i really that self centred?

the only solutions i see to this problem is one of the following.
either you all do me a favour and let me have my wish of not celebrating my brithday.
or i ditch the friendships that i have worked so hard to build over the years and find a whole new group who will give a damn about my feelings and who i am as a person, i generally am very tolerant and can take a lot of stuff before i crack, but this is all too much, i simply can't go on like this.

im sure this is all just a rant of the moment, but i am never deleting this post, i want my friends to know that their actions can seriously hurt a person, their ignorance is not bliss and their arrogance is certainly not a thing to joke about.

i have one last visit from a friend tonight, maybe she can redeem me from my slumber of sadness.

i did all i could to stay close to god today and not let the little things get to me, i was the most tolerant i have ever been today but its all too much, i felt a little better at bible study tonight as they went to greater lengths than my supposed friends were able to go to, to make my day something worthwhile. i didn't feel any different when i woke up but my eyes are certainly opened to a lot as i go to bed tonight.

thanks, god bless...

Judah

well tonight we had worldwide evangelist Chris hill with us all the way from Texas.
I'm resenting that i did not get a personal word with him, as he was without a doubt the most brilliant preacher i have yet come across, however as one well knows it is not the preacher that is important it is god's word, the preacher is merely god's puppet for giving us his message (and oh lord what a beautiful puppet show it is.)

tonight was without a doubt the most amazing experience in my life, in terms of praising god i have never felt such satisfaction, such a sense of elation, joy and ecstasy. as my previous post pointed out i only wish that word's could describe my experience to you all however the fact that they can't is what makes these moments so precious to us. after tonight i fell as if god has touched me, we really did connect and he has certainly sowed a seed in my heart that i will nurture and harvest for the rest of my life. my brother Sam ( and a few others) asked me to find out what denomination this church classed itself as, i was going to but i now see that irrelevant, i feel at home in this church god is without a doubt calling me to work with this church. my official next steps are to arrange my baptism and get as involved in the church life that i possibly can. it's funny that i now find myself not wanting to go to school next year again but this time for a completely different reason, i don't want to waste time i want to get straight out there with god's message of salvation for other's ( i will however go next year as its an opportunity best taken a hold of.)

Chris hill preached in the lunch service on the book of Joshua and the crossing of the Jordan river and the laying of the stones in the river, in the night service he preached on genesis 38 (yes the whole chapter) Judah directly translates to praise, this chapter in genesis is a very deep and controversial chapter, i see it as a metaphorical analogy of the very ethics of Christianity itself.

i will not try to repeat everything that was said tonight as i do not have the capacity to do so, but the main message was that it's time for us as a nation, as a generation to grow up, to let go of the cheap pleasures that this world can offer us and to reach out to god, we need not to wait around anymore for thing's to happen (a building doesn't build itself) we need to act.

i always had a bit of a mind block on my faith for god, and i can now assure you that it is eradicated, so many times i have said "god I'm surrendering all to you, the glory will all be yours, i want you to use me for your own purpose, my pain my suffering doesn't matter, it is nothing to what wonder's your love can inspire" so many times have i also wanted so badly to believe in that very speech, yet there was always a block on my mind which would ask "really?"
that's all it needed to ask to present doubt in my mind, that voice is gone now, i need not worry about my suffering anymore, about what other's think of me, i am no longer ashamed of the bible and the salvation it offers.

an example of how much time i am now devoting to god's purpose, i just delayed the wiriting of this post for two reason,s. to have a theological?philisophical conversation with a friend about the existence of god and the differences about christianity to any other religion, and to help a friend in need. my only purpose i see fit for myself is to help other's, as i have pointed out a few times now, i feel as thoguh that is my purpose in life, my very name means "god be my judge" and i shall live by that in every aspect for now on.

i really don't know what else to say, i just feel so great today, i don't want to let this feeling stop and i don't intend to. i intend now to use my time wisely and my resources even wiser.

Reflections

well, as few might know i certainly was a bit of a killjoy last year and bit of this year as yes i was depressed.

but screw it let's not focus on that, that's dirt and ash now.
i sit here at 2:48 am, a bit tired but just too attentive to give a damn.
some thoughts often go into my head at night, i have always been a night kid i remember staying up as late as i could watching the star's out my window, i never made it past midnight or 1 am. damn sleep deprivation would always win the battle. it feels good to be up so early because its a good feeling to know that apart from street bound drunkards and maybe the odd person or two in their house, i am isolated. i feel like i have the world at my fingertips and everyone is busy dozing. its the same as being a ship alone in the vast ocean, you feel a certain authority to walk around naked or just yell stuff, you feel free in a sense because the fact is everyone is not one this world anymore there all happily dreaming in their sleep (sleeps over rated =)

now to get to the basis of my post this morning,
i feel as if i have just come out of a tropical storm (no nots because I'm in welly) it feels as if i have been thrown around, tossed about, toyed with, abused and hurt by the storn yet i walk out a new man. its funny when you go to look back on things you just think, what on earth was i doing? how did i manage to get there? it gives me a great sense of achievement to know that despite everything i have endured for the past tow years (maybe longer, apply the boiling frog theory) it was getting worse ever since when i started high school. i didn't know it my excuse was always "I'm just a teenager" but like the frog i had no clue what was wrong till it was too late, the thing is when i was in there, freaking out, giving up over and over again realising that there was nowhere i could go after i did give up anyway, i felt something tugging at me inside. it was something that was almost saying "come on Daniel you're not like this snap out of it" did i listen to it?

nope at that point and time i was too self obsessed to care, my only thoughts would be why me? or why isn't she texting back? does anyone care? etc etc. as i look back on it i realise just how dumb i was, even typing this down helps me put into focus just how much i have changed, it feels like i have literally gone from a kid to an adult (well that generally is the purpose of adolescence huh?) but i really need to put emphasis on this point, the appropriate analogy would be like seeing a seed turn into a tree, you look at the seed and think how on earth is that going to turn into a tree, you come back to years later and think, wow THAT came out of the seed? the seed being no bigger than any of your nails has turned into a towering (or not) tree that is now taller than you.
most of us accept these things and just say "well what happens, happens" but i think this i an abuse of the changes that take place. (if you're a thinker i think you will see where I'm coming from)

i feel, well I'm firstly glad that it's all over, i always told myself "this is part of life, get through it and you will come out for the better" and knowing now that i don't retaliate when someone insults me (unless as a harmless joke), i don't feel anger in myself (only annoyance from time to time), i don't feel an ounce of jealousy, i don't feel worthless, i don't feel as if i have to prove myself to anyone, i don't feel as if I'm compelled by what others think of me, i barely feel anything now ( in the good sense) except love, whether it be love towards my mates, my really close friends, that special someone (I'll get back to you on that), love for family or even love towards a stranger who text's me and i find out they are feeling down but don't bother asking their name, as names to me are unimportant, its the person who touches you, words can never equate to the feelings of love from one human to another (too true)

the bible (without going to deeply religious on those that aren't) Tell's us that good trees will bear good fruit and bad trees, bad fruit. i think we can all take a lesson in this as it Tell's us that to produce great feelings for ourselves or for other's we first need to look into our own soil and ask "what do i not want in my life?" and for me personally god has allowed me to answer that question and helped with the disposal of those thing's, im not going to stay on this topic of religion as i know personally the last thing you non-religious people want is someone ranting about how god saved them, but i feel it is definitely worth a mention.

words will never be able to explain the senses of man, they have always failed to do so as well (well with complete accuracy that it) why do you think we are so akin to quotes? we love the idea that word's will describe what's inside we love the idea of communicating with other's what we are feeling ( it what we were made to do) however od you notice that we always either have a big list of quotes or go from one to another? i feel obliged to call some of these experiences, experiences of joy and ecstasy.

i also feel compelled to let any of you know that if you ever want to talk in more detail about my experiences or have any questions about what,why,how etc than i am more than happy to do my best ot answer, don't get me wrong i don't think i am better than any of you for my experiences, that is another thing i got rid of. pride.
and i sure as heck know now that my reason for being here is to do just as i have, sharing my experiences, helping anyone out anytime (literally 24/7), not for self glory, not to say that im a good person (although i do acknowledge my efforts at times and do occasionally wish others would acknowledge it) but all that doesn't matter.
a friend in need is a friend indeed, i don't care if your black, white, fat, thin, mental, weak, or whatever, what matters to me is what is on the inside for what lies on the inside is not only your inner child, but the truth, the truth about yourself and all the answers to all your questions, what lies on the inside is the seed, we are the soil harvesting our tree and just like the tree diagram we have many routes and paths that we can choose and ultimately the eyes are the gate way to the soul (one of my firm beliefs, hence they are my favourite body part) there is a reason our head is closer to our mouth than our heart.
thinking is good, never stop questioning everything. use your word's despite the weakness of them i have just pointed out they still hold power and words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning.

Father's Day Thoughts.

ok well as a sentimental post to fathers day, not only am i going to talk about father's and just how truly great they are but about parenting in general and how it is overlooked, as i can imagine that it is indeed a full time job.

ok now let me just note to all of you that when i was younger (well only a year or so ago) i used to say on fathers and/or mothers day "what about kid's day? why do you get a birthday and a fathers/mothers day?" i think both of them at one time or another responded with "everyday is kid's day" i realise now that this statement is absolutley true, we as kid's do what every generation of kid's do, we rebel. personally i think this is a good thing as it allow's the child to challenge himself and explore his or her options while learning from the mistakes he or she makes, however i think (as most parents would too) that limits do need to be set.

the love from a parent to a child is relentless, the only thing more graceful and unconditional than it would be god's love for every living thing on this planet. it's hard for us (us being teenagers mostly) to see this as adolescense is a place where we are allowed to feel comfortable to get away with almost anything, its a dangerous spot indeed as it allows us to assume the actions and experiences of adulthood without acquiring the responsiblity that comes along with it. we (as a youth population) fail to see the effort's that our parents put into the upholding of our live's they buy our clothes, buy our groceries, cook our food (the majority of time, im working on it) wash our clothes, maintain the household (often with minimal help) clean our dishes etc etc (as im not a parent i can't exaclty go forth on every detail) and most importantly i think possibly the hardest part for our parent's is to cater to our every need, whether it be putting a smile on our face when our day hasn't gone too well to organising every detail of our birthday party to ensure we have a good time, i think the common arguement of our generation being the "lazy generation" could never be more true, we are well aquainted with, emails, car's, computers, air travelling and many other things of the sort's, every task that was once considered streneous and would have given one a sense of achievement "back in the day" has been catered for us nowaday's no longer do we have to make any effort at all to complete a task, no longer do we feel a sense of achievement once we do something, we really do have it easy (probably the easiest) as children and i think it's important that we take note of this so that we can thank them for their efforts, we truly cannot comprehend how easy we have it, whether it be as kid's or simply as a generation.

so here is a oath to our forefather's and the ones that are the reason we are here today, the reason that we have such a great, easy and careless life.
thanks mum and dad for everything you have ever done for me and all the great oppotunities that you have given me, i am changing all the time and am making extra efforts to help you guys out, i am your child, you have dedicated 16+ years of your life to ensuring im safe and well educated and fed and healthy so i will do all i can to pay you back.
im forever in your debt, thanks

The Indefintion Of Justice

so this is another paper to screen translation (hopefully with improvement on the original thoughts)

last year my English teacher was undoubtedly the best teacher i have ever had, she had such an enthusiasm for teaching us which in turn made us enthusiastic to learn (little tip for ya dad).
the play that we studied on that year was the famous "12 Angry Men"
which talks of a jury that thinks the defendant is guilty, except that is for one juror who thinks that he has reasonable doubt to believe otherwise. Eventually (after two 3 hours sessions over two days) this one juror convinced everyone to sway in their thoughts because concordingly everything didn't fit the picture, our teacher got us to write on what we think justice, at first i thought "oh crap im going to be here until lunch time" but i found it an interesting task which i would recommend to all when you have some spare time and a lot of thought about how society sucks in your mind. here is what i wrote

What is Justice?
over generations and century's of debate out society has redefined justice over and over, so what is it that makes it so adaptable to us, that let's us decide how we punish suspects of crime? justice certainly is an interesting word, the oxford dictionary defines it as;
"the exercise of authority & the maintenance of righteousness" out of this we have to ask ourselves two questions, the first and foremost being, who has authority over who and how do we monitor this to ensure that the authority itself is just? and secondly;
are we entitled to tell someone that they are right and wrong and concordingly how do we define right from wrong?

to deal with the first question i would almost be certain to say that to have authority over someone we must not only have superiority morally but also in power, through strength, mental status or even money (sadly). one of the many curious aspects to us humans is that we are very secluded (some more than others) and in general we like to keep to ourselves who we know the we really are. humans are literally wired to show compassion, from being concerned about a stranger who has fainted on the street to calling an ambulance for a car crash victim or even going to lengths of travelling worldwide to see each other. the interesting aspect on top of this is that we like to keep to ourselves (once again some of us more than others) the good deed's we do to one another and in turn we have many many secrets, even if we say we have nothing to hide. the fact is we have everything to hide. i think we can safely say that to judge one person's authority over another person then we must be able to balance and compare each of their; good deeds, bad deeds, economical status, physical condition and mental stability. anyone with half a brain could tell you that that is simply not possible to balance and compare every aspect that i just listed hence the reason can never rightfully determine whether one person has authority over another.

to deal with the second issue, i think we can safely say that there are many different views on right and wrong throughout our religion's, races, countries and governmental systems. for example if you are a female reading this and you are wearing a tee-shirt and/or showing more than 1 inch of skin from your wrist upwards then in Sudan (unsure on the particular country) you would be considered a prostitute and would the authorities would then commence to stone you to death. do you see this is right? they obviously do otherwise there would have been a law change over the year's. in other countries they hold cults and beliefs that monthly there has to be a burning sacrifice to their god's of which the victim is chosen at random within their tribe. do you see that as fair? then there is the undeniable truth that what is right is not always true and what is true is not always right (the vice versa is necessary when you think about it in context). the simple fact is that it is human nature to lie to get out of trouble (which often leads to more trouble). in a court of law there are no lie detector's, no therapist or psychologist's (unless by coincidence) just you, an oath (which could mean nothing to you or that you do not believe in), a judge and 12 juror's of whom you have never met before in your life (once again, unless by coincidence) and who will most likely believe anything you say unless the evidence provided defies it. when it comes down to it the court is a battle of intellect and word's which is why being a lawyer is one of the hardest and most demanding job's out there, (effectively 4 year course i think, followed by many years or pre-trials etc.)
therefore to tell someone that they are wrong or right in not only wrong and unjust but morally wrong because of the simple fact that only they (and the victim if he/she survived) can recall with their memory what happened (will do a small post on the inaccuracy of memory later.)

we cannot access someones mind (firstly we would need to get past the phenomenon of "what is the mind?") and record what they have experienced, it is simply impossible in this day and age, so to conclude i do not see this definition to be one that fits the puzzle so to speak. we will never find a definition that everyone can agree with because every ones view on the topic is unique (the thing i love the most about it.) i think my personal definition for it would be;
"a legal correction by the authorities for something we (society) perceive to be wrong, the maintenance of consequence in order to maintain order within our society"

thanks you, would love to hear your view on it.

Wholesome Realisation

OK so around the time after i got back from America there was this new guy working at hell.
at first we sort of just let each other be and didn't know each other very well, after time we talked and acquainted ourselves. about.. 4 months ago i started to see some bad trait's in this guy such as;
-standing and doing nothing while trying to order other's around when he is perfectly capable of doing the task himself.
-generally working at a slow pace and allowing us to fall behind
-trying to steal my cut bench! (now that's almost blasphemy! as i have been working there three times longer than him)
i did eventually lay a complaint to my boss who had a word with him and ever since he has been tolerable.

now please note that this guy was displaying almost no trait's of a christian, now to my absolute shock i was looking through his CD wallet last night and found that almost half of the music was christian. now i think this raises the point of god working in mysterious way's and that it is best to not judge people by their actions. now i know a lot of people do say judge people purely on their actions however i came to the conclusion last night (after work while thinking in bed) that being christian for some people is like having one kidney, you would never know unless they told you, on the topic of not judging people by their actions i think it's fair to say that we don't live one day without thinking twice about what are doing or saying therefore it's understandable that their are many things that are not said or done hitherto i don't think it's fair to judge people by their bad action's but to look at the few thing's that they ARE doing right and extend off from there to see the reasoning or motives for that good action and think about how it conflict's with their bad action's.

now i must also mention that i did borrow a few of his Cd's to put on my computer and one of them was a CD by "the lads" (Joe and dad you will know who they are) now the last time i heard their music was at parachute 02 (possibly 03, was a long time ago) and i loved it. now i started to listen to the music again last night before i headed to bed and one particular song made my whole body tingle with a sense of excitement and warmth (i actually started dancing). now i must also make you aware that my oh so generous brother Sam gave me a few books to read and send back to him, i just finished "surprised by joy" by C.S Lewis that evening on the bus to work. at the end of the book it confronts us with an interesting analogy to the feeling of joy.

it's like walking down a path in the forest, the first directional sign you see, a member of the group will run up to and point and be just oh so excited with it. After these signs occur more frequently you tend to not realise them as much, but they still guide you on your way.

for me that is what this music was, it reminded me of a time when i was just an innocent child and had no reason or doubt in my mind about god, hearing the lad's at parachute was brilliant and i even got them to sign my hat (sadly i lost it a while ago). i suppose if you cant relate to this an accurate comparison would be if you had a teddy bear while growing, now ask your self what satisfaction and sense of excitement did you get with that bear? and also ask yourself at what age did it seem childish and unfulfilling, yet you still look back on it and think "yeah i wish life was still that simple" (LOL)

as mentioned in my previous post's i am now living a complete different style of life compared to how i was a mere 4-7 month's ago. my main goal is to treat every day as almost a new life, wake up fresh and excited (sometimes easier said than done) and just completely forget about yesterday's experiences (unless of course it was a brilliant day) my analogy for this idea is;
when we look at the night sky are we drawn to see the star's of the darkness, so it shall be for life's experiences; look to the bright and fulfilling experiences rather than the bleak and dark ones. (a lot of analogies today huh?)

the last thing i think is worth a mention is the factor of pretty much all of the above, when i made the analogy of the forest path well i can definitely relate that to god's love for us, there may be points in your life when you have no doubt that god is there, this would be the time when many signs are appearing on the path (the path representing god's love) however as there was for me there may also be point's when believing in god could seem the most absurd and ridiculous idea out there, this would be a lack of signs, but you are indeed still on that path, you may have taken a wrong turn but the path is there. for any non-believer's out there the equivalent would be point's in which you thought the possibility of god possible (many sign's) and times (possibly now) when you think "nah it's completely absurd and impossible" (no sign's) but as i said the path IS there whether you want to accept it or not. "surprised by joy" also introduced to me probably the most important analogy i have yet come across which is;

think of it like this, if hamlet wanted to meet Shakespeare he would not be able to as Shakespeare is non-existent in his play world, so the creation is unable to see the creator, however if the creator intends for it the creation shall experience in a non-physical and spiritual way.

i think for now i shall leave it at that as i have a 800 word essay to write :/

toodles

Sunny Sunday

well apart from my still lost voice i think this previous Sunday was a great Sunday for me.
started my day with a decent sleep in and then left for the train into town at around 2, walked around for a bit then found my way into my mates subway (he owns 2/3 of the store) stayed there for a while and had a feed.
just after 4 i headed towards the duxton at a very relaxed pace.
the sun was out, the grass was green, the air was crisp (tehehe) and i had my camera!
church that night was particularly good, there was a certain vibe in the duxton ballroom that night, and i could feel the holy spirit all around me.
john preached that night about victories in life and about one small but significant contradiction in the bible that doesn't make much sense without plenty of study.
the most vivid quote from him that stuck in my head was.
"the greatest victories are not the victories ahead of us but the victories behind us"
(i think the use of the word victory may be a bit inaccurate for the context but the general idea is still well portrayed)
one part of his talk that also stuck with me was when he started talking about when the bible says (must go get my bible from the house to quote this but it's something along the lines of)
"for man cannot live righteously until the accuser is cast down from heaven"
john raised an interesting point that the bible pretty accurately Say's that the light in heaven is so great that a darkness (the accuser) such as Satan would never be able to access it.
he then pointed out that it is not Satan who has access to heaven but it is all of us, when we pray we almost leave this world. we put our hearts out to him and thus a part of us has access to his kingdom.
as Christians the commitment we make to God (regardless of the degree of our faith) is a commitment that allows us access to the lord and therefore a certain, yet limited, access to heaven therefore whenever we sin we are not only hindering our relationship with the lord but in a sense the devil is working tempting us and shares that access with us.
it was a daunting though for the rest of the night to think that any time i mat have thought lustful thoughts,cursed against others,been judgemental,stolen,been unforgiving,taken the lords name in vain and so on so forth.
that in doing so i was restricting the power and authority that god has over my life.
it all connects together after a while that whatever "evil" acts you commit can directly hinder and suppress god's light within you, i kept thinking to myself "so every time i sin I'm literally hurting god?"
but after a while (quite a long while this was) i realised that once again it goes a whole lot deeper than that, effectively yes i am suppressing god in every sin that i commit.
but more literally the thing to remember is that every man has that chance of redemption (a chance that endless amounts of temptations from Satan cannot provide) in a sense god is just like us (all though being perfect) he still is loving,caring,forgiving and righteous. in my analogy i think of him as a human but without the mind (the mind being the tempting side of the conscience)
the famous song that sing
"what if god was one of us?" (great song may i add)
suggests just that, it reminds to be cautious of the things i do and say for the stranger that you mock, could that be god?
that person that you shoot down behind their back, could that be god?
the innocent man getting robbed or abused and you choose to turn the other cheek, could that be god?
this whole topic could go a whole lot deeper and believe me i would like to but i don't think i have gone that far into as of yet (maybe later!)[
i suppose the thing that i am trying to say and i suppose that pastor john was trying to reach to us was that we are made in god's image and in psalms 139 it says
"for you are fearfully and wonderfully made"
god has crafted and moulded us from before the day we were even conceived, he knows of the great things he has planned for us but ultimately it comes down to us.
there is a certain repsonsiblity that adults carry, which in a sense is the equivalent to the responsiblity that we as christians hold.
we resemble (or so we should) the good in our world, we should resemble hope,love,salvation,righteousness and holyness.
with that responsiblity we must remember that everything we do has consequences (whether good or bad) and that we must put thought and consideration into everything we say,everything we do but most importnatly everything we think. for it also says in the bible that we should not let anything that is unwholesome escape our mouth's but only the thing's that are used to build up one another and build up a new generation for god.

Slice Of Heaven

i recently watched a short video in my physics class which spoke of Farraday, the scientist who discovered the battery and electromagnetism. this video mentioned briefly that he was a sandemanium which is a sect of Christianity that takes every word in the bible literally (an aspect which many of today's self proclaimed Christians lack) and he as a scientist dedicated his life to the understanding of metaphysics and the world in general for he did not go into science for the money but for his beliefs (which i quite like about his character) he effectively believed that everything that exists in the world was and is being created by god.
on top of that note my brother Sam sent me over a few books to read (thanks for that!) the first i read was the short but very intense "the great divorce" by C.S Lewis. i finished that in just over an hour (at 140 pages long) the particular part that stuck in my mind is when a ghost was having a conversation with what Lewis described as "solid people" and the ghost was the mother of a boy who was making his way up the mountain (the metaphorical stature for the journey to heaven in this case)
the mother said to the solid person (these solid people are the ones who made it up the mountain and were sent down to encourage more ghost's to make the journey) "but he's my son, this isn't fair i want him to come back with me" the person replied with "but he is god's son, you may have bore him yourself into the world, but the world is no longer of any significance to us here. It is god who crafted him and shaped the person is." (something along those lines) this made me think very vividly about exactly how God See's our lives (in a contextual sense.)
another part of the book that stuck in my head was when someone said
"you get attached to the world because the images you paint down there are glimpses of heaven, you long for the full picture. if you were to paint a picture of our scenery it would have no effect for we know we are here already"
i feel it's good to reflect on book's this way because it gives you a better understanding of the intentions of the author (one good thing i have grasped from our education system :P)

reflections:
i think in a sense the artists of this world are trying to fill a hole inside themselves, they are catching glimpses of heaven in our planet but are unable to identify them as that (tell me how many christian painters can you name?) people without God in their life are constantly trying to fill that hole with something whether it be money,cars,loved ones (or supposedly loved ones) or just flash accessories.
i would know as i went through this phase on a smaller scale. i would go shopping with the money i have learnt and buy almost anything that tickled my fancy, at the end of the day i could find small satisfaction in the things i bought but when i got into bed that night i felt no different, i didn't feel a sense of accomplishment and in some cases it made it worse because i could identify what i was doing. i now face a a case where i still have these things (slowly selling them off) and they haunt me in some sense.
i think what people tend to forget is that old saying
"money can't buy happiness"
this phrase always tickles my thoughts and more and more i am thinking that maybe it is a christian that said that? i think alcohol,drugs,money,cars and all the petty pointless accessories to our life are all just a way to blur a vision of heaven.
in a more metaphorical sense i would say that drunkenness not only blurs our vision of the world (literally) but also grips the integrity we have of ourselves, it takes a hold of our self esteem and drags us down to the ground (literally too)
to conclude this part of the reflection, i think we all need time to ourselves.
Someone once said to me
"thinking is biological, just like sugar in a diabetics diet, too much and too little is damaging to us" i think this is a perfect reflection on what I'm trying to say, i know personally too much time alone will leave you very down and unenthusiastic about life in general, but on that note i think it's important for us to find out the healthy does of thinking for us individually and take time to ourselves to do just that, think.
sit down once every day or even every week and just think.
also on that note Sam once told me
"thinking is good, never stop questioning everything"

now to the reflections on the video:
i think that Farraday has an aspect to him that a lot of us are lacking as Christian's, we need to take into consideration what our modern day scientist's are telling us as they are often command of someone with a lot of money and I'm sure we all know that with great wealth comes great deception. Farraday took science as a career because he firmly believed that god created and shaped every aspect of the world, from our free will and beliefs of chemistry right down to the blades of grass under our feet, i believe this to be a very admirable quality of Farraday.
i take a good deal in this belief to as the bible tells us that God did create this world and in taking that in i think it's important that we remember the aspect of the world. that word world includes everything and everyone on our planet, it goes from the depths of the earth to the clouds, it includes every inch of our physical and even mental world.
i really don't have much else to say (in other words i have slightly lost my train of thought, i like to say in a hysterical sense that "my train of thought got hit by the mount Ruapehu lahar!")

to conclude this post i think that we need to have healthy doses of thinking at least every week.
not only to get a grip on our own reality but on the reality that God wants us to be in.
essentially we should not be living the life we please for, but the life that god desires for us.

thanks again for reading

Faith Reborn

OK well my last post i deleted as it wasn't quite accurate. i rushed it and the whole expressing myself thing so here goes for a better attempt.

firstly I'd like to share a thought of thanks to those that i have seeked in my hard times over the last.. 2 years
thanks to the following

Peta
Janelle
Alexia
Garreth

you guys kept me sane and always stood by me no matter what and for that i can't thank you enough.
and also to the following who have managed to say the right things at the right time over the last 6 months to help me find myself and get myself back on track

Mum & Dad
Sam
Peta
Alexia

OK so now lets get to the heart and depth of my post today.
I as an individual have always liked to defy what society says and/or what the popular kids wanted to do, and in saying so i look at life very closely and when I'm in the right senses i look at it as a movie i suppose, i like to reflect on the good and bad and just how far i have come since an innocent young and happy child. and furthermore i like to ponder at what great adventures could possibly be next. on a side note i was brought up in a christian family and i have always had some faith in God, even when i got to a point where nothing mattered but my own problems and i regrettably put god aside to live my life the way i wanted to, even then i felt something inside me tugging at my heart and urging me to realise that what i was doing was wrong, not only for me but for my creator, my saviour.
i once read a short story about a kid that woke up in the morning, rode his bike to have a muddy soccer game with his team then sped back down the hill to his house, once he got there he jumped off with joy ran over to his lemon tree and took a huge bite out of one, enjoying every second of it.
the thing that hit me about this story is that this kid was enjoying life for what it was, he wasn't getting caught up in the injuries he had or the sour taste and wasn't moaning about them but in retrospect he was indulging in them, in the good, the bad and just whatever life threw at him. i thought to myself that in a way i was that little kid but i didn't make it home safely, i got hit by a train (metaphorically) and my life went down the drain and as i watched i still had that same tug on my heart like something wasn't quite right.

my experience of the African-American church in L.A was one of the most enjoyable and most emotional ones for me that i can recall. i saw the energy, the spirit, the soul and all the happiness that these people had put into their worship. then it finally sunk in. i couldn't go much longer without god in my life (during this time i came to the realisation that i hadn't made personal contact with god in literally years.)
There is a song i like to listen to called "Jesus" produced by the christian band "rapture ruckus" and there is a particular line in it that says

"but when the time for me to be a man i put god to the side to fulfill my own plans and that was the day that i made the mistake, the biggest mistake that ever i would make. i shut the door on my creator, my one true saviour i thought there would be plenty of time for that later"

this moves me every time i hear it because i know that that was once me, that one extract from this song is spot on for me, but at the time of my ignorance i also heard the line in this song that said

"i felt suicidal because my life was a lie"

now that smaller line had more effect on me than the previous, it said to me that there is a way out of this, im not living my life as Daniel, at the time i didn't know who i was living as but that one line told me that i wasn't being true to me, but also that god does have great plans for me and i could be that little boy again, taking indulgence in everything life has to throw at me and at the same time not letting it get to me.

i won't go into detail with this short story of my struggles ill save that for my autobiography one day!

but to wrap it up i just want to tell you all how i am now living my life.
i wake up in the morning and instinctively the first thing i think is "go back to sleep you're still tired" however after 5 or so minutes of being half awake my second thought is "get up, there is a whole world out there for you to discover, go and live the life god has intended for you, take today as it comes, and enjoy every moment of it" my day begins and I'm thinking quite constantly about my life in comparison to the less fortunate in our world, and that always brings a smile to my face because i thank god for everything i have, every moment i have on this earth, and when i wake up i now think (after a few thoughts) that god gave me this day for a reason, lets embrace it! i don't take for granted what i have and i don't intend to anytime soon.
as i meet new people i put on my smile and give them my friendly character, regardless of whether they smile back or accept my handshake i love them regardless because i know (even if they don't) that they are one of god's children and if they are willing god can put them to great use. i like to apply the "you give what you get" theory to life, which is why I'm always offering my love to others and my helping hand if they need it. not only for the "give what you get" theory am i doing this but also because rapture ruckus also wrote

"never walk away from somebody who needs your help, your hand can be gods hand to help and pull them out"

that is just one of the many quote i like to live my life by and i think it portrays me pretty accurately as who i really am. i can reassuringly say now that i know who i am why I'm here and vaguely know the great things god has planned for me.

i plan to live my life in the moment as it comes, but not for myself, for others, for the ones that need me, the ones that have no-one else to call on when they start to go through some of the things i have, i am going to live for everyone else, as far as im concerned i don't have time to dwell on my own problems all i have time for now is god and whoever i feel he is urging me to reach out to. If they ever ask how i made to where i am today ill say

"God helped me, and through me he's helping you"

Emotional Upset

well lets take a more personal side of things for a change.
so far this year almost nothing has gone right for me.
i loved my trip to America to start the year and endless amounts of thanking to my father for that.
however as most know by now, my grandfather passed away during my time there.
i will never forget the moment its was the 18Th of February and we were in Kinko's printing off something or rather (American time BTW) T read the email from my auntie Jane and told my father to call, quickly.
dad got off the phone and he didn't need to say a word he looked me in the eyes and i knew.
"hes gone" he said, at this point i didn't know what to say or do or think, but my gut twisted.
i stood strong for the next few days supporting my dad but inside i was torn apart.
i turned to god at that point and asked him to give me and my father all the strength possible to try and enjoy the rest of our trip and to our surprise we were able to.

after i got back most things seemed to go swell, i bought my first car with some help from my dad and now i had to go down to Christchurch to get it. whilst down there i went and buried my grandfathers ashes with my father.
the experience stirred many many emotions and thoughts but once again i stood strong (hurting inside) and supported my father. to this day i still have some of those thoughts the main one being.. "one day we will all just be a memory" from flesh and bone to text or words from others still alive (how depressing) when i got back i was coping alright.

then taupo came, that was a great time spent with one of my best Friends and my current girlfriend. after i got back to wellington everything seemed to fall apart.
my feelings died for her as i had come to realisation of some much stronger ones for another person. (i think in the end i dated her out of the blindness of my loneliness, was scapegoating her for the feelings i had for another person, it hurts just to say that) we eventually broke up and in the same week i crashed my car. took my eyes off the road for two seconds and rear ended someone, the only positive out of this is that i knew the person so they didn't contact the police or check my (learners) license. (yes i know i didn't tell you dad, too ashamed to do so, embarrassed etc etc)

between then and.. 2 weeks ago i did nothing, just worked and saved every penny i could.
then 2 weeks ago it was my (ex)girlfriends birthday, i told her before our relationship that i didn't want it to effect our friendship but nay..
i wrote her a letter telling her how she was a great person and she took it completely the wrong way, she now avoids me and so do her little group of girl friends, always giving me little looks around the school (its no wonder i want to leave).at this time in the year i had lost two very close friends to me the first being a whole different story but the second obviously being my previous girlfriend, not to mention my childhood friend left to south Africa at the end of last year (for two years) and well I'm still trying to accept that i cant text her anytime i want.. i eventually got over my previous girlfriend/friend that and as of yesterday i was over everything.

i felt on top of the world yesterday (Wednesday) i had lots going wrong but i had managed to just accept it and get on with life, its an amazing feeling. words cant describe how great i felt yesterday but one thing that proves my point is that i had SO much energy the whole day (even though i barely had anything to eat)

then today at school was good, mufti day,late start and early finish. then i got home and found a letter for me in the mail i saw that it was from the insurance company (of the other car) and decided to stall by going to the toilet first.

i now sit here (11:17pm Friday night) with a 6 grand debt(5600 to the insurance company and 400 to my dad) and just generally feeling like giving up.

i know this is not an option for their is no salvation past death, it will be taking the easy way out and im not like that anyway. the main thing yanking my chain at the moment is the fact that so far this year things have gone like this.
disappointment------stable-------trying to fix my problems-------disappointment---------
that cycle has not stopped at all this year and it just feels like everything i do to try and fix the problems i have it just turns to shit and/or makes things worse for me.
i cant help thinking that I'm a failure, my school grades (most of them) are declining as a result and i find myself trying to turn to alcohol to temporarily make things better.

deep down i know that this is gos testing but also deep down i know i have generally just not done much right this year at all. i find myself pushing away the ones i love because they get too close, they try to help but i find myself not able to open up to them without getting the way i currently am.

i think tomorrow i will realise writing this all down helped. but as of this current time i just need to be alone, think about things and try my best to sort out this mess i have made...

*huge sigh*
I'm out

(i know ill think of something else i wanted to say later on but meh ill edit if its really necessary)

Evolutionary Crisis

as i was sitting on the beach today before work enjoying the cool breeze and the very early sunset (grr i want daylight savings back!) cool sand underneath me, i gazed out to the ocean and began to get on those thoughts again, but this time it was more about the thought of how the world has existed for billions of years without change or disaster, that is until the introduction on the human mind, now i dont want to sound all negative and rant on about global warming and shit but i feel its a issue that does need to be addressed (as if it hasnt been addressed enough!).

i began to think about the ocean, the sheer vastness and solitude that it can bring, the intensity of how huge it is and all the life that goes on inside it, began thinking about whats behind the blue shimmering water, what its history is, whats its endured and how it effects us in todays society, began to think in the aspect of whats beneath the surface or between the lines so to speak. these thought rolled on for quite some time and then it hit me, as hard as the sunlight in the morning (im not a big morning person :P.)
the changes, the history, the events, the evolution that has occurred in the world that we live in, all lead up to this moment, they lead up to you sitting here in front of your computer screen, indulging yourself the endless realm of internet cyber space. being my blog.
20 years ago no one would have knew what the interenet is, sure they were on that road but you know what my point is,
50 years ago we as a society where recovering from the great economical struggle that WW2 put to us, ( the point in which USA managed a strong hold on the world)
70 years ago we were in a great depression
100 years ago we were in our first world war

my point is this.
in the last 500 years we as humans have changed the world so much, not for the advantages of the planet either, we spread like a virus using up all resources that are in that ares then continue to grow and spread around the world,most mammals in our world go around and live in an equilibrium with the enviroment, they take from it but give back just as much, the create an agreement so to speak with their surroundings and work with what they have being careful not to take too much in order for their resources to replenish. in the last 40-50 years we have polluted our planet so much to the point that it is now irreversible.
if we stopped all fossil fuel burning tommorow, the temperature of our atmosphere would continue to increase for another 50 years at least, the issue of global flooding is very real, the majority of our worlds large cities are located on coastal areas.
we as humans have a tendency to think for ourselves, no matter how much we believe we would take a bullet for a friend or go care for others before we care for ourselves, its simply not true. "every man for himself" that very term cannot fit more perfectly the way of human beings. think about it, when we go to buy a present for someone. the first thing we think about is what present can i get them that will make them appreciate me more. sure we think a lot about the meaning (i know i certainly do) but in the long run the effect we desire out of presents is recognition, the recognition of the thought of the present, the recognition of the fact that we have money to spare, the recognition that we remembered their birthday. any action we take in our lives we automatically think about how it wil benefit us, deny this as you may but it has been proven through trends,statictics and a heavy amount of research on us, human beings

to think that the world has turned to shit in the past 500-1000 years is mindboggling, our planet has existed for 100's of millions of years, so this amount of time is such a small fraction that its uncomprehendible to our minds what has gone on in past generations, whether it be the generations of last century of the generations of the last millenium. we started off with materials, resources that we saw fit to guide us in longer life and sruvival, these have turned to manipulative weapons of warfare, we are a generation fed on money, without we wouldnt survive, money is the new system that replaced the old bartering system because of people that didnt hold their end of the bargain. we invest millions of dollars nationally on our roads, a road is result of what we know as concrete or tar, a mixture of man made and natural resources that harden when dry. we drive on these roads with machines unheard of before the 1900's animals fear these machines they dont know what these beasts are invading on their territory. to me animals repersent the best source or path to our past life, the life of the hunter and gatherer, no one was fat back then, there were pratically no diseases and everyone lived for quite a long time. the look in animals eyes. not even that the very aura that animals give off as they watch cars driving along is disturbing to me, these machines have become our lives, the average wage of an american ceo jumped from 510,000 before 1995 to a whopping 36 million in 2005. the
greed for oil has driven us mad, it has brainwashed everything we know, has manipulated our very values in life, the need for oil because of our cars is disturbing. lets have a fun guessing game here.
(these figures are bound to be below the accurate ones.)
say on a daily basis one service station fills up 30 cars. each car holding 40 litres of petrol.
thats 1200 litres per day for this one service station. now say new zealand has around 150 service stations nationally.
150 times 1200 is 180000. thats 180 thousand litres of petrol a day, just in new zealand. so new zealand is very small country, lets say on average every country has 1000 service outlets and are all filling the same average daily.
with over 194 countries in the world (so lets round that to 200 for all those minority countries :)
thats going to be
200 times 1000 times 1200 litres of petrol
thats going to be 24,000,000 litres of petrol. every day!
times that by 365 days in a year and youve got
8,760,000,000
hmm so more than 8 billion seven hundred and sixty million litres of petrol a year cannot be a good thing, and that spells out addiction to me, were addicted to our fuel, it has become part of life. so i think it fair to say that it has become so normal for us to abuse our surrounding, taking everything and not giving back (substantially that is) its the sad reality that is upon us.
we are killing our planet, it quite simple really the sad fact for people my age is that by the time our parents are all retired, we will be responsible for trying to fix all this shit, and quite frankly that really gets at me at times.

now as my train of thoughts is rolling on in this rant of mine i have come back to the part about human suffering (it seems to be an easy subject to talk about)
why at funerals do we list off all the good qualities of the deceased? will that ease our pain in knowing that he/she did good while they could. if you were to ask me its comprimisation. i think that in a way we are only covering over our grief and sympathising ourselves because of the fact that they are gone and now and theres no turning back. im not at all saying that we shouldnt do this, because people influience our lives in so many ways, we wouldnt be able to comprehend the infinite ways people, your everyday people in the street, the ones you work with effect your life. however it seems to to itch at my thoughts the factor of human emotion.

i think that may be all for now.

just found a more accurate link in terms of petrol consumption
http://auto.howstuffworks.com/question417.htm

Pain And Growth

one addition to my book of thoughts is at a time when i had an infection on my rear end, laugh as you may but i didn't get sleep for 4 days and every time i sat down it gave me agonising pain. it was at that point that i wanted to talk about the aspect of human pain.
pain is without a doubt the most cruel and unforgiving feeling for the human race and like everything it can be divided in three,
emotional pain
physical pain
spiritual pain
my idea in this part of my rantings is to try establish a connection between the three and show how if one is unbalanced then it can theoretically effect all three.
physical pain is without a doubt the most common i don't think anyone in their right mind would argue that. muscle pains,broken bones,ripping tendons/arteries,pulling a muscle,headaches, the list goes on and on. i think its safe to say that no matter how wealthy,healthy or careful you are about being hurt you are guaranteed to feel a lot of physical pain in your life, as negative as this may sound it brings me to the point of sensory disabilities, it has recently occurred to me that there is disability for all our senses except one.
feeling.
this intrigues as i wonder what it would be like to feel nothing, you would not have any sense of walking,running,writing,typing,establishing what is tangible or not and the possibilities of how this can effect one being can go on and on, effectively the person would be living in a state or purgatory, not being able to identify reality from illusion, right from wrong, pain from pleasure. one would presume that if this case were to present itself one day in a being the person would die of... well confusion really?
personally i see the reason behind this lack of disability in our touching senses as a spiritual factor because whatever god we may believe in, that god does not see it benefiting us to go through life without feeling, we cannot truly enjoy the high points of our life's without remembering how much we have suffered in the past. in this particular case one would not have any sense of spirituality anyway because in order for things to appear real there must first be a greater persona in which created everything whether it be god,the force of the universe or simply the belief of any form of higher force acting upon us. in this case one would not be able identify the realm of physical pain, and therefore breaking the connection between the three.

spiritual pain.
it is often hard to identify and has that effect of "you don't realise till its too late".
spiritual pain is often related to a loss of direction of life and i tell you this from experience, so it may or may not be true for others (hey were all unique and different!) often someone in spiritual pain hopes to identify it as emotional and refuse to believe that they have a certain aspect in their life missing (being religion,simple beliefs about souls or ways of life eg Buddhism follows the way Buddha lead out his life then again that's the basis of most religions, idolising someone and trying to live out your life the way they did.) however i would like to point out that out of the three spiritual and emotional are probably the closest connected.
i would like to take one second to acknowledge the fact that if any of this relates to you then i am not saying there is something wrong with you, believe me everyone goes through these three types of pain in life and i think its safe to say you would be more sick if you didn't!

after this big paragraph of ranting i would like to ask you all,
why do we place ourselves in these situations to hurt? we subconsciously feel the need to hurt and hope to gain attention from it. i suppose it goes back to my example of the being living in a state of purgatory, if we did not place ourselves in these situations we would be worse of as a soul and as a being than if we avoided them, I'm not trying to say if your depressed then go on being depressed because that is ridiculous and i would never encourage that, I'm simply going back to my point that to enjoy the highs in life more we need to get through the hard parts.
through pain we grow in fact i believe (personally) that every action we take, every choice we make is one towards growth and towards us having a healthier soul.
when it gets down to it time heals everything, big and small, thick and thin, it heals it all some scars in our life may take longer to heal but it will come to a time where you realise "that experience isn't making me sad anymore" or "i think I'm over that experience, its not making me emotional." to add to this i would like to suggest to you all that you take time to and for yourself everyday whether it be half an hour at lunch break just sitting back and thinking about the "good Ole times" or 10-15 minutes while your lying in bed restless.

i have saved emotional for last because i personally believe it is the biggest chunk (although i shall try to keep it short... ish.) emotional pain can have a huge effect on ones life, and in a matter of minutes it can completely change your way of thinking as well as altering what you desire to get out of life, it is commonly known (not by me) that the pain of a true broken heart is worse than the majority of broken bones and/or any other physical pain. (this isn't certain for me so forgive me if that's incorrect) physical pain of a high degree is very exhausting and takes a lot out of you, it sometimes can cause a temporary depression as of the the fact that you are so limited when it occurs, you have to take time off work,school and it directly effects the social life you have be it interacting with workmates or catching up with friends. it can often make you feel emotionally detached from reality and/or society, in some cases you get attached to the feeling because you feel it for so long that you get used to it, it can make you feel detached as of the fact that you are isolated from society and/or reality. personally i try avoid using the term depression however sadly its the best word to describe the state of mind, i do this because i believe that you cannot diagnose someone for their feelings the whole idea of it is quite disgusting if you ask me, depression is often referred to as an illness and the for an illness to exist it automatically assumes that some people have it and some don't. i believe that everyone gets "depressed" to some extent in their lives whether they want to share/accept it or not. so an illness that occurs in everyone is not really an illness now is it?


( i don't see my following notes to be necessary)
so to conclude pain sucks, we all know about it and we all experience it, yet we all choose to put up with it because deep down we know that we will come out the other side a better person, and deep down we know the phrase "everything happens for a reason" and to some small extent we believe whether it be through evidence of experiences in our own lives or evidence that we see in our family or friends suffering.

all comments welcome!

Not Achieved For NCEA

to start with many of you may have noticed that my blog title is Lucifer, this can commonly be mistaken in biblical terms as the angel that fell from heaven, the meaning of the word Lucifer is "light bringer" or "to bring light" etc. as a symbolic term to me possibly bringing light into your thoughts and opening new realms of possibility to you all.

As of the beginning of this year shortly after my trip to America in which i read a few theology books as well as a book my brother Sam gave me called "Zen and the art of motorcycle Maintenance." i began to write down those thoughts that everyone gets when they simply zone out and stare at one spot of something seemingly random, those thoughts that question our very existence on this earth and the way we go about living our lives. i would write in class and still get the work done funnily enough. so here's a thanks to Sam who has opened up this new way of thinking that i get myself into.
cheers ears ;)

one more note: this blog may seem like a lecture or me trying to tell you how to live your life or something but it is simply my thoughts i do not intend to say your way of living is incorrect, in fact most of these ideas i put out are ones i like to discuss so please
discuss!

so to start with converting my thoughts from paper to screen.
i was thinking in class (ironically enough) about our teaching systems and how science is taught.
these days tests are based on what lies in front of us, what we see to be tangible and therefore we as students are always going to be limited in the answer we give (in terms of getting it "right") in doing this the teachers/test moderator's subconsciously or maybe even purposely eliminate that x factor that we should be encouraged to bring out in school, that certain part of us that is imaginative and creative and always questions the question and all the realms of possibility that surround it (otherwise known as variables)

science to begin with focuses more on the material aspects that the human mind has knowledge about eg; air,gravity,forces,electronics.. so my question is how can we accurately answer or ask a question in "scientific" terms? for example; before newton was around who's to say gravity didn't exist before hand? we all know the logical answer is that gravity has always been around ever since the formation of our earth. so my next question is...
how many unknown "variables" potentially are out there waiting to be discovered? because of that variable that we are limited in knowing how many new variables are out there we can never really "accurately" answer a question.

to add to this there is a popular thesis amongst scientists that says there is an infinite number of theories with which to test an answer with, because of this one statement alone you could have not read my above paragraph at all and know that no answer in science is ever going to be correct. to end this part in my rantings i will just say that we have to deal with it, the world has already been trained to think scientifically and believe our scientists over any religion out there and personally its alarming to me that people would believe something a scientist says without even doing some background research.

i must add this point into the "educational studies".
why do teachers among our modern teaching systems prefer to teach classes that are "well behaved?" or constantly telling them to work in silence?
OK so sure its proven that most people can focus better with less noise but it intrigues me that they prefer a quiet class, is it something to do with the whole teacher student relationship that the teacher is "supposedly" in control of the class? is it the fact that the teacher has a set of guidelines to stick to and that when a student stumps a teacher (eg; asks a question on topic that he/she cant answer) they teacher feels vulnerable? personally i have seen many cases where teachers have given out detentions because the student has asked an intuitive question. personally i think this whole dilemma of teachers wanting control over their class come from hundreds of years of a society feed on the hunger fro power, be it physical, mental or just overall dominance of another person,race,object,class etc etc. but where does this hunger come from?why does man feel the need to have dominance or authority over one another? will this make us feel worthy, feel respect, or will it simply scratch our itch and give us a desire for even more power?
all through out our lives we will be striving to impress others, whether we can acknowledge this or not is out of the question, either way subconsciously every action we make is one to get us closer to having more money,respect or reputation. in the long term this leads me to think that we as a species have a hunger for that power play. eg; the massive power and authority of a government over a nation or the simple authority and respect that a father requires from his son. we are taught not to talk back to our elders or our teachers, what does this implie? personally i see it as an effort to eliminate the art of argument or discussion, of course there is a fine line between arguing and discussing. arguing is a means of which we stand for our opinion only we put this out to the other person and simply expect them to accept it and say that its right (which is why arguing causes so many problems between friends and family.)
discussing something is to take one another's opinions and see how it applies to the topic of conversation.
tell me out of all the things you have learnt over life how much of it has been from discussions and/or intellectual conversations?
by eliminating the talking back attribute of a child (which if i may add simply comes back at a later age) you are eliminating their imaginativ thoughts and leaving them thinking along the lines of right and wrong, many of us don't realise that beside yes and no there is one more answer.
mu. it is an ancient saying that means for one to Un ask the question. it implies that the question cannot be answered and/or that it is up for discussion.

teachers in a class often come to the conclusion that if you are looking at them then you are paying attention and they try to enforce this a lot, they think that is the student is looking elsewhere they are not listening. tell me does a blind man not hear what you are saying? does a deaf man not see your actions?

now i must come to the point that our schooling systems are biased.
all of us like to think that we don't support bias opinions but in saying that we are being biased by having a support against being biased. we are all biased to some degree and this is thanks to the ideas that are drilled into us as a child, as a teenager, as an adult, by our family, by our friends, by our culture, by our religion and by the simple way others dress in the street there really are infinite ways in which we are being brought up and raised to believe in one thing rather than another, the source of our opinions is practically from everything you encounter and because as individuals we all encounter different things throughout our lives we sometimes disagree with the support of one idea. eg; western civilisation sees cults and sacrificial rituals as wrong and inhumane however in many countries they have been doing it for thousands of years its simply part of life for them, the equivalent of wearing shoes for us.

well that is all on the topic of education it would be confusing if i started writing about human nature and human aspects at this time so ill leave it for a while.
please feel free to comment and discuss this because these are simply my thoughts and discussions over thoughts is the best way to learn!