Faith Reborn

OK well my last post i deleted as it wasn't quite accurate. i rushed it and the whole expressing myself thing so here goes for a better attempt.

firstly I'd like to share a thought of thanks to those that i have seeked in my hard times over the last.. 2 years
thanks to the following

Peta
Janelle
Alexia
Garreth

you guys kept me sane and always stood by me no matter what and for that i can't thank you enough.
and also to the following who have managed to say the right things at the right time over the last 6 months to help me find myself and get myself back on track

Mum & Dad
Sam
Peta
Alexia

OK so now lets get to the heart and depth of my post today.
I as an individual have always liked to defy what society says and/or what the popular kids wanted to do, and in saying so i look at life very closely and when I'm in the right senses i look at it as a movie i suppose, i like to reflect on the good and bad and just how far i have come since an innocent young and happy child. and furthermore i like to ponder at what great adventures could possibly be next. on a side note i was brought up in a christian family and i have always had some faith in God, even when i got to a point where nothing mattered but my own problems and i regrettably put god aside to live my life the way i wanted to, even then i felt something inside me tugging at my heart and urging me to realise that what i was doing was wrong, not only for me but for my creator, my saviour.
i once read a short story about a kid that woke up in the morning, rode his bike to have a muddy soccer game with his team then sped back down the hill to his house, once he got there he jumped off with joy ran over to his lemon tree and took a huge bite out of one, enjoying every second of it.
the thing that hit me about this story is that this kid was enjoying life for what it was, he wasn't getting caught up in the injuries he had or the sour taste and wasn't moaning about them but in retrospect he was indulging in them, in the good, the bad and just whatever life threw at him. i thought to myself that in a way i was that little kid but i didn't make it home safely, i got hit by a train (metaphorically) and my life went down the drain and as i watched i still had that same tug on my heart like something wasn't quite right.

my experience of the African-American church in L.A was one of the most enjoyable and most emotional ones for me that i can recall. i saw the energy, the spirit, the soul and all the happiness that these people had put into their worship. then it finally sunk in. i couldn't go much longer without god in my life (during this time i came to the realisation that i hadn't made personal contact with god in literally years.)
There is a song i like to listen to called "Jesus" produced by the christian band "rapture ruckus" and there is a particular line in it that says

"but when the time for me to be a man i put god to the side to fulfill my own plans and that was the day that i made the mistake, the biggest mistake that ever i would make. i shut the door on my creator, my one true saviour i thought there would be plenty of time for that later"

this moves me every time i hear it because i know that that was once me, that one extract from this song is spot on for me, but at the time of my ignorance i also heard the line in this song that said

"i felt suicidal because my life was a lie"

now that smaller line had more effect on me than the previous, it said to me that there is a way out of this, im not living my life as Daniel, at the time i didn't know who i was living as but that one line told me that i wasn't being true to me, but also that god does have great plans for me and i could be that little boy again, taking indulgence in everything life has to throw at me and at the same time not letting it get to me.

i won't go into detail with this short story of my struggles ill save that for my autobiography one day!

but to wrap it up i just want to tell you all how i am now living my life.
i wake up in the morning and instinctively the first thing i think is "go back to sleep you're still tired" however after 5 or so minutes of being half awake my second thought is "get up, there is a whole world out there for you to discover, go and live the life god has intended for you, take today as it comes, and enjoy every moment of it" my day begins and I'm thinking quite constantly about my life in comparison to the less fortunate in our world, and that always brings a smile to my face because i thank god for everything i have, every moment i have on this earth, and when i wake up i now think (after a few thoughts) that god gave me this day for a reason, lets embrace it! i don't take for granted what i have and i don't intend to anytime soon.
as i meet new people i put on my smile and give them my friendly character, regardless of whether they smile back or accept my handshake i love them regardless because i know (even if they don't) that they are one of god's children and if they are willing god can put them to great use. i like to apply the "you give what you get" theory to life, which is why I'm always offering my love to others and my helping hand if they need it. not only for the "give what you get" theory am i doing this but also because rapture ruckus also wrote

"never walk away from somebody who needs your help, your hand can be gods hand to help and pull them out"

that is just one of the many quote i like to live my life by and i think it portrays me pretty accurately as who i really am. i can reassuringly say now that i know who i am why I'm here and vaguely know the great things god has planned for me.

i plan to live my life in the moment as it comes, but not for myself, for others, for the ones that need me, the ones that have no-one else to call on when they start to go through some of the things i have, i am going to live for everyone else, as far as im concerned i don't have time to dwell on my own problems all i have time for now is god and whoever i feel he is urging me to reach out to. If they ever ask how i made to where i am today ill say

"God helped me, and through me he's helping you"