Stretched

There are no words to start this thing off accurately.

Right now, I'm in a very good place yet a very broken place. I know your asking how that is possible so let me try give the run down of things that have been happening with me this month.

As much as I feel like naming names I know I will regret it later so I will respect that confidentiality.

God has been stretching me.

The one thing that comes to mind is the scripture
'the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord'

I look back on my last two years walking with God and know that he has been constantly giving and taking away and up until now I've been content with it. The number one thing God is doing in my life at this time is speaking to me about speaking to others. This morning I preached in church, I do not take any credit for it and in all honesty I don't think its as big of a deal as we make it out to be. Its a lot easier for us to preach in church, a safe environment, than to preach to complete strangers, a very unstable environment. On Saturday I went to a seminar on worship and it seems recently that God is wanting me to know the true meaning of worship. During the seminar we had a time where we all fell on our faces in worship, simply to be reverent to the Lord, to fear the Lord, to love the Lord and more than anything to let God break down our walls.

Words... cannot describe that moment for me.

God has been taking things away from me, things I did not think would matter, but through this he is giving me so much deeper revelation about what he wants for my life.
I have said the following so many times, but merely as I know its the right thing to say. But today, right now, I say this out of complete reverence for my God. I want to know his will, I want to do nothing but that will and I want to live for him. I cannot fathom this situation I am in, I know that suffering is a good thing and that only God can see the good out of this situation. I tell you now with complete assurance, had I known that this kind of suffering would come as a part of walking the walk of Christianity, I would never have signed up. And that. Is the great dilemma, people want good news, and there is good news, but it doesn't come without suffering, without sacrifice and that is the Gospel that we have to sell to this world.

My heart, is so heavy. My soul, in so much confusion and pain. My mind under so much attack. I dream and plea that one day I could have the faith anywhere near that of Job in the Bible. This to me seems like a big deal, and yet when I compare it, its nothing. It is but dust..

These tears I cry cannot express my situation. and my situation in sum up is this.

I thank God, I Adore him for having mercy on me, for even wanting to be a part of my life and challenging me, convicting me, bringing me into new places.

And yet my other half says to give up, asks how on earth I'm going to deal with this? it says that I cannot do this in my own strength. And. I plan not to.

I know that one day, I will look back on this and smile, knowing that where I am in that day was directly influenced by this season in my life. I know that I have had my good season in the faith, I have been reaping so much for so little. And now, more than ever I feel that there is more to come, more pain, more conviction, more challenge.

Its funny, God warned me. After getting a revelation through scripture and having some amazing alone time and worship with my Lord I felt so strongly that something big was coming, something that was going to shake me, and that very same night it all started.

God I trust in you.

And that.

Is all I can do.