Adulthood.

What is adulthood?

ok no I'm not going to go down that rant.

but I will say what I have been saying to most when I could be bothered explaining.

18 is merely a number to me, and recently I have wandered what our lives would be like if we didn't attach numbers to our birthdays, the only reason we feel old, or young, is because of that number. so its just another number to me, one which bears no real significance to me, for i feel alive, not young neither old.

It has been a while since i wrote and i suppose i'll just explain whats been happening.

exams, what a big bundle of joy huh? i finished them last friday, but something was different this year when i sat them, i bore no real stress upon them because the simple fact is i just don't care anymore. not in the sense that i would simply not attend, as i attended all. but i just feel at ease with my results. the only reason they feel stressful to people is because their whole future lies in those results, how sad that must be to be audited your whole life by others, ending up only where your own knowledge leads you. this year was different for me, i've been continually growing in the lord this year, reminding myself that i need to be refreshed in his spirit everyday. and the reason i simply didn't care this year is because i know that God has everything safe and secure in his hands. why should i worry when i have the creator of all the universe looking after me? my future bears no relationship to these results, not anymore. and i feel confident in knowing that God will take me where he wants, and i guess this is just another step to not living for myself but living for God. just giving him more and more of my life to him for him to do with as he pleases, i've never felt more alive in life, i've never felt more content with nature, with the world, with the people around me. sure i still feel disgust at how human beings have polluted God's beautiful creation, polluted with more than just atmosphere, polluted with violence, hate, famine, war, prostitution and basically with everything that God never intended. yet at the same time i feel content in knowing that we are all part of his divine, complex plan. in knowing that he knows all and see's all. he can see our struggle now yet he also see's the point in the future when its resolved, he's watching the second coming as we speak.

as i reach 'adulthood' i feel no different, but i do feel a sense of change. a sense that now because i am no more 'wordly' confined that God is beginning to lift the same confinements off me spiritually. of course it only comes down to my own will power and passion for him, and life is beautiful, no matter how much we go up and down like waves on the sea, i live on the foundation of Jesus that will never fail. I am beginning to see the beauty in the everyday things, the simple joy's of life that, for the masses, we all just run by, so occupied in our own issues that we never stop to look and realise that amongst everything, amongst the war, the crime, the economy's, the pollution of everything. If we are to simply stop and take a breath for a moment we can see that beauty, we merely have to open our eyes, and our hearts to the raw beauty of life.

i am really unsure of what my point in tonights post is. it seems, as per usual, that i am ranting (its fun you should try it sometime), but none of this worry's me, in my puberty years, in the years that i was trying to discover what life was all about i obviously began thinking of girls. my mind still today wanders off into 'what my future could look like with her' yet allthough it troubles me i don't feel confined by it, God provides me with what i need at the appropriate times i need it, he is my one true love, and Jesus the bride that awaits me in the place he has prepared for me. i feel it neccesary to copy and paste something of which i wrote a few years back. something that i thought, at the time, was a stepping stone in my life.

"i finally feel like i have lived life because i almost passed out while being the host to a new years piss up i have a mad collection of music on my dell 17.5 gigs to be exact and i feel like my life career is pointing towards photography and being in a nz band i am no longer worried about what people think of me and have confidence when meeting new people
(mainly chicks) i feel like 2005 to 2006 new years piss up will forever be a milestone in my life and i have my 42 below bottle to remember it all"

now this is just a part of what i wrote, and as you can see i was placing my hope in the wrong places, i had no mention of God or spirituality, and of all the thing i was proud of it was all wordly, all temporary and 'a chasing after the wind'. i had no idea what i was talking about and this life lead me to destruction.

i look back at that and simply laugh at my own stupidity, but also rejoice in knowing that i will never have to go down that road again. i still feel that passion for photography but merely as a hobbie, the reason is simple. seeing God's beauty with our own eyes is beautiful but when we capture that on paper, on film, only then does it become absolutely priceless, like decorations which truly glorify God's creation. i know also that music is still a passion of mine, and whilst at parachute i was more clear on the reason why. music can be used for one of two things. to reach an audience with the truths in the band's lives. lessons they've learnt and things they've endured, things that they are able to communicate to us through their lyrics and music. in this first part also fits in the crucial part of glorifying God, because for most of these truth's that they want to communicate none shine as bright as the truth of Jesus Christ, his suffering and our life in him. the second is probably just as common as the first, to communicate false truth's, to send a message of hate to the listener's because the song writer has endured something but not found the truth in it.

i believe this is also the choice we have in life. to live one of truth, or of false truth and false hope. there is no doubt in my mind that my future lies in the hands of God, so i merely ask you today, where does your future lie? is it in the results of the next coming test, is it in the false hope of mediocre life that the media portray's. or are you sick of conforming, of going along with the crowd and pretending like everything's ok when you know that there isn't much right about your life.

99% of all thought processes are eliminated before they even reach our subconcious, how this works i do not know, but i know that the thoughts that reach your mind are shaped by your expectations, by where you have placed your hope in life and specifically where your passion lies.

think about it (really cruel pun/paradox huh?)