Numb3er5

Before I start (fully recovered since last blog, God has been answering a few prayers :D )



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There are currently 4,283,179 people living in NZ, our most recent unemployment figure is 3.9%, one of the lowest in the world, if not the lowest. Every year we as a nation consume up to 470 million litres of alcohol, the proportion of that figure in which we consume spirits has almost double since the new millennium. Our average weekly income * was $537, up 3.5 percent from the June 2007 quarter
* Was up 5.3 percent for females (to $413) and up 2.3 percent for males (to $690) from the June 2007 quarter
*Was highest for those in the 30–34, 45–49 and 50–54 year age groups at $767.

Yet despite this there are over 420,000 crime offences reported every year (on a slow and steady decline I may add) with only 48% of these being resolved. Just recently our national annual suicide rate passed that of our own road toll, there are more people intentionally hurting themselves in NZ then there are accidentally doing it. In 2007 we had 759,906 students attending school 33% of which left school before reaching year 13. In our country over two million people call themself Christian. The main Christian denominations are Anglican (584,793 or 17 percent of people), Catholic (486,012 or 14 percent) and the Presbyterian group (417,453 or 11 percent).

Yet there were 18,380 abortions in 2007 with Women aged 20–24 years having the highest abortion rate (37 abortions per 1,000 women aged 20–24 years) in 2007. There were 317 resident civil unions in 2007 80% of which were same-sex unions. There were 11.3 divorces for every 1000 married couple in 2007, putting it at just above 1 in 10 marriages being unsuccessful. But more than all of this, there were a recorded 28,690 deaths recorded in 2007.

So that is the cross section of our society today, my biggest question is, how many of these people that call themselves Christian actually are living and acting out their faith everyday? I’m not one to point the finger and that’s certainly not what i'm here to do my biggest burden is thinking about those 28,690 deaths. These numbers all represent a proportion of events within the given time but they are more than numbers, we are more than numbers and statistics, you are more than a statistic. These numbers represent people’s lives, their actions, their beliefs and their social background. These are people with mothers and fathers, and family's. People with everyday problems, with love mishaps and people just like you and me, obviously we are all unique and not like anyone else we will find and yet we are a mere proportion of the world, compared to the 6.3 billion people everywhere else in the world we are but a spec. Isn’t it amazing that we are all different in some respect, we will find others with similarities but there is not one person like me, like you? Its particularly sad a distressing to see our suicide rate climbing and climbing.

My burden is with the number of deaths because although I can assume the majority of them were natural death's how many were murders? How many were suicides? And more than anything, how many were people calling themselves Christian? And how many weren't? I’m not trying to condemn anyone at all, only god can know how many of that number made it into his kingdom, but looking at all these other numbers I can only assume the percentage was small indeed. There must more to this life right? More than living than dying, more than the money we work so hard to dispose of, more than the cars we drive to destroy, more than the relationships we go through so fast. One question we must all ask ourselves is this, "what numbers will I fill?" at the end of the day we can't prevent being part of a statistic but like I have said these statistics show the makeup of our lives.

I remember vividly when that woman at the airport leant on the wall next to me and said "ah its the cross section of society huh?" The bible talks of our lives being like a breath of wind, moving swiftly from our birth to our death. We are but dust floating into the oblivion that is our future and we are as fragile as dust. Anyone who has lost a loved one or witnessed a horrific accident resulting in death will tell you how much it rips your insides apart, feeling as if a bombs gone off inside of you.

As Christmas approaches I can't help but think again 'this feels familiar' it seems like only a short period of time that it was Christmas last year, yet despite this we still clutter our lives with the meaningless material junk, the stuff we consume, the stuff we decorate ourselves with, the dresses we wear once or suits we wear once. For what may I ask? It will all mean nothing when you die, of course you can say "live it while you can" but its a chasing of the wind, its something that is merely chewing your time. Recently I attended a worship conference in Wellington city and in the back of my notebook I stumbled across a quote that opened my eyes once again

"There are no clocks to measure time except the beating of our singing heart"
No with no idea on earth who said this it made it feel more like God telling me to stop cluttering myself with all this nonsense and just sit back and relax, to simplify things and essentially have less of me more of God. In the famous words of "fight Club's" Tyler Durden

"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler."

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. "

Stop wasting your life.

Daniel

Familiarities

Its sad when you have familiarities invovled with debt, anger and general dissapointment in life.

i sit here, once again in debt, i need not go into details but its 1100 this time.

It all feel's so familiar and I wander how on earth I got back to this depressive state. With all do respect its not my fault this time, and I say that in honesty, not in a way that is trying to pass on the blame from myself. It would appear that I do indeed love to serve others, I love to love others. In the state I'm in, which is all to familiar for my liking I wander why I bother anymore. It would seem I get nothing back physically or spiritually and its this caring, loving and serving side of myself that has seemed to have gotten me into this scenario and all I can think is. Why?

I hear so many stories of God Blessing people, Healing them, Restoring them. And needless to say I have had revelations from God, in fact one just last thursday but I begin to wander, when am I truly going to get something back? I have given up so much for the 'Jesus Way of Life' and what have I got to show for it? Whilst I write I think of what one preacher once said, and that is that if i'm wandering when my next blessing or revelation is I need to put my trust in God, look back to the last one he gave me and live on that promise. My last revelation was when I was breaking down, because I came to the realisation that I have no idea what I'm doing next year and i just cried out to God, trusting in him. I opened my bible and there stood the words "Go in peace, Your journey has been approved by the Lord." I am trying with all I have to keep that as my foundation right now but after giving up so much of my life to God I sadly have to say I'm beggining to doubt him.

My journey to the Lord has been one of complete logic as that is how i function and God is aware of that, so in that aspect I have no doubt that the Judea Christian God exists. My doubt lies in the favour-itism. I put that dash there for a reason. God doesn't play favourites but he does have favour for some rather than others, And that is biblical. As I came to face the facts of my situation I had to clearly write out my priorities. And for me that is money, the money that I don't have. 400 of it being fines that will get me a police record if not paid. So this means I'm not going to finish the duration of my schooling which to me is a major dissapointment, not because I like school but because it means i have wasted my whole year, its gone. thats time i could have spent working. whether it be for the kingdom of God or the numerical currency we strive to attain.

tommorow I will be working all day, I'm hoping this will help prepare me for working full time, or whatever it is I end up doing next year. As I have said the sad part is that this all came to happen through my kindness towards others, my willingness to help and let them have a fun time. I can't help but feel utmost hatred at this. If this is what I get for being kind and loving then maybe I should never bother ever again, I even begin to feel my thoughts that say "if I died right now i wouldn't have these problems." however I know I've overcome this before and I'm better than that.
but will anyone notice me this time? will anyone thank me? will anyone help me for a change? will they be grateful for the sacrifices i make to make them happy?

I can only hope to get over myself in this time, in the sense that I need to focus on God, and trust that my problems are but a dust particle to him, they are no problem for him to handle, but will I be able to really surrender myself to him? it's one thing for me to pray this, to sing it in the songs. But I simply don't know how to open myself up to him. for this I begin to think "when will he open me up and operate?" because if I can't willingly do it then I can only pray that he will force it upon me.

I wish i could go in peace, knowing that my journey is approved by the Lord himself but I.. I just can't.